0910

Doing an FYP on local literature has made me realise how much I miss creative writing. When I was Sec 2, I took a creative writing elective for Lit class (the other electives were film studies and theatre) and although it sounded like the nerdiest and most boring elective out of them all, it sparked my interest in the English Language 🙂 and not to mention I was given free liberty to write in pretentious, superfluous sentences to satisfy my ego. This was the only class I looked forward to each week.

My first assignment was to write about the life of any object. I chose my favourite stuffed toy – a Winnie the Pooh puppet whom I have affectionately nicknamed Wenny. (Please tell me I’m not the only person who names her stuffed toys…) I wrote about Wenny’s journey from its time of manufacture to its shipping to Tokyo Disneyland to how I eventually came to buy it. There were several assignments after that but this is the one I can vividly recall. I only tried my hand at prose; poetry has always struck me as a niche area meant solely for people who have had deep life experiences.

Despite my apparent fondness for Literature, I never went on to take it as an O level subject because I was worried it would kill my love for reading, especially with intense text analyses and all. I have this hypothesis that when you start doing things you love in great detail, you start to lose interest in them. This is why I prefer to keep my hobbies separate from my pragmatic pursuits. Unfortunately I never had the opportunity to prove this hypothesis so let’s just leave it at that.

Surprisingly enough, I don’t miss creative writing. What I miss, however, are the wildly imaginative thought processes that the mind is abuzz with each time a fresh storyline manifests itself. Most of the time the creativity fizzes out, but for the rare times it lingers, those are the moments worth holding on to.

 

0210

Somehow I always find myself on WordPress in the dead of the night where I really ought to be sleeping (or doing work).

My FYP group recently had an internal feedback session, where each of us did a quick self-reflection and exchanged observations on our working styles. All three of them unanimously agreed that I have a tendency to be blunt/straightforward whenever a deadline draws near since my anxiety levels would increase. It’s true; I remember just a few weeks ago I was worried that our project wasn’t progressing and on the day we had our weekly meeting, I plastered this poker face on and my tone was a combination of exasperation and urgency. The frowns on their faces told me I probably went a little overboard that day…… In my defence, though, it made them anxious and it pushed them to achieve a little more. Still, it’s not what I enjoy doing – being stern and managing people. Probably means I’ll never be a CEO.

I also shared with them what I felt was my key personal weakness but on hindsight, having rationally thought through what I said, it doesn’t seem like a weakness anymore. More on this another time, perhaps.

In other unrelated news, I have officially sold my soul to caffeine (I drink either coffee or tea six days a week now) and this is despite receiving an average of seven hours of sleep each night. It also appears that my tolerance towards coffee is weakening, with slight headaches developing each time I gulp down a non-sugared coffee. This is partly the reason why my tehbing and I seem to be inseparable in school. I LOVE TEHBING!!!!!

Ok goodnight.

 

3009

I haven’t been this honest with myself in a while: I penned down some of my emotional struggles on my handy iPhone Notes app while on the way back home from church earlier. No holds barred kind of honesty. While I won’t go into specifics here (please don’t ask either), it made me realise how utterly weak I am… To fall into the same trap again, to struggle against rational beliefs, to go back on my promises.

That said, it’s a vicious cycle I am determined to get out of.

The night is still and so are You. 

2309

Last Friday, Jo and I made a trip to Little India where we each had a plate of superbly amazing thosai. I think I’ll go back again for biryani yummmzzzz.

1505

I know it’s extremely simplistic to say stuff like “Oh, if God has forgiven me and still loves me despite all the sins I have committed, I should forgive myself too.” – it sounds quite empty and probably does nothing to assuage the guilt you currently feel but like you said, God’s grace is unlimited and no matter how much you feel ashamed of yourself, you can still claim His promise to you. I feel that the fact you already feel guilty means you are aware of your shortcomings and you want to change for the better, but this time with God guiding you. Don’t be too harsh on yourself.

– Stuff I wrote for a friend… and a self-reminder, too.

As with everything else, the act of self-forgiveness is much easier said than done. But that doesn’t mean we should give up 🙂

 

 

1109

Whenever I procrastinate with my work, I tend to linger on social media a lot. Like, a lot. Today’s procrastination included revisiting Twitter and re-reading all the stupid stuff I wrote.

Grandma was (and still is) extremely savage.

But no one can beat Hedwig, the undisputed Queen of Savage.

Lmaooooo the cafe-hopping days. Thankfully I have moved on because ain’t nobody got time and monehh for overpriced food anymore!

The backstory of this is that Krystal and I got invited to a house party back in Lugano. Dude who invited us said we could bring our own drinks so after he left, Krystal turned to me and said she only had milo to offer HAHAHAHAHAHA in the end we went and we had some Czech pastries and coke #loser4lyfe

Ok la I must ownself check ownself; I also quite savage one.

All right, back to the grind.

 

 

2708

Today (ok, last night) over dinner, a friend asked me about the happiest moment in my life thus far. I was caught off-guard. Happiest? How am I supposed to single out a particular incident?

My mind settled on the day I found out my aunt was pregnant with her second child. Having lost her first child to a congenital heart defect a few years back, she slipped into depression before finding the will to live again.

Perhaps it was because I felt upset that she had to go through so much pain and anguish at losing her baby daughter, and when news of her second pregnancy came, it was as though a dark cloud had been lifted, revealing the ray of sunshine she had been seeking for so long. This ray of sunshine became indisputable, incomparable and irrefutable joy for her and her loved ones, myself included.

It’s not a joy of my own making, yet it’s one that easily trumps everything else.

2408

Feeling incredibly proud of myself for solving this heh.

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Oh, Kikyo. 

Taiwan

In recent years, every overseas trip I go for would remind me of how privileged I am. This recent trip to Taiwan is no exception. Not sure if this is a sign of maturity or if I have become more cognisant of my status as an educated middle-class Chinese female living in cosmopolitan Singapore, but whatever the case is, the truth still remains that I have a lot to be thankful for.