Feels like deja vu all over again. Sunday – filled with dread for the upcoming week.
😦
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I’d struggle this bad. It’s the start of my 4th month and while I’d like to think I’ve gotten better at some things, I still continue making mistakes, some of which could have been avoided had I had, you know, more foresight. Hurhur. On most days I try not to beat myself up too much because I am still relatively new to the job but at the same time I do not have the luxury of time and patience to indulge myself in such allowances.
I also know that God has designed me in accordance with His perfect plans; any paths that He has set me upon – He has gone before me, no matter how treacherous the route, and He will walk with me.
…….. Yet every Sunday/Monday I struggle with thoughts of dread, with thoughts of why God, why am I struggling even though I know You are with me. It’s like I lose all my faith once the week starts, and then gradually regain it as the week progresses. Then it drops again.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
Here’s a cry for help: I know He’s with me, yet I struggle to believe it.
Ironically, it’s in times of struggle I see God moving the most; only by His grace He has moulded me into someone who’s more resilient, who’s able to discern the blessings – no matter how tiny – in her life, and who harbours hope that all of these is for a greater purpose.
It will be a good week.
P/s: My mum has attended not one, but two consecutive Alpha sessions! Didn’t think she’d attend the second session and I only found out when she texted me a selfie of her + the friend who brought her HAHA man I was pleasantly surprised 🙂
Pickledpumpkins 