2710

Having a late-night HTHT (or what I affectionately call ‘late-night ramblings’) with Wingshan because I can’t sleep/I’m too excited/I have developed a dry cough.

Was sharing with her at how truly amazed I am with God working so tirelessly in my life/my friends’ lives. This piece of news couldn’t have come at a more opportune moment :’) A mood booster in a season of weariness where battles seem long drawn out, where hearts are hardened, where souls are beat. His timing is perfect – neither too early nor too late – and His plans are good. I believe this prayer and hope, one I’ve held dearly in my heart for a while now, will eventually bear fruit.

As Zimin’s favourite praise song goes: Joy unspeakable that won’t go away~

🙂

2210

It’s that time of the night where I really ought to be asleep but I can’t because my mind is abuzz with the day’s reflections and excitement for a mini personal project.

One recurring thought that has crossed my mind all week is how bad I am with negative vibes. I’ve known this about myself for a while now: I absorb negative vibes like a sponge, especially those that reek of giving up and make me feel like an emotional dumpster. While I would usually be able to keep my tongue in check in such situations i.e. not add fuel to the fire, my mind would be raging with thoughts of defying God’s words and a gazillion WTFs. I would then excuse myself for some alone time after the tension has dissipated to recollect my thoughts.

Mhmmm it sickens me that even after all these years, I still haven’t conditioned myself to be more emotionally-detached. The only respite is that I tend to get over these negative emotions pretty quickly.

Humans are such complex creatures.

***

Note to anyone who’s interested: Starbucks’ matcha x espresso drink is disappointing. I could barely taste the coffee when I bought it today. No wonder Zimin asked for three additional espresso shots LOL not that I encourage it but ya I tasted 80% sugar, 19% matcha and 1% coffee. Maybe it varies from barista to barista, I don’t know. I’ll just stick to good ol’ tehbing 🙂

So many repetitive words today haha I really should sleep soon.

1810

If you approach the world with the apron of a servant, then you are allowed to go places that you can’t go if you approach it with the crown of a king.

Wow.

0910

Doing an FYP on local literature has made me realise how much I miss creative writing. When I was Sec 2, I took a creative writing elective for Lit class (the other electives were film studies and theatre) and although it sounded like the nerdiest and most boring elective out of them all, it sparked my interest in the English Language 🙂 and not to mention I was given free liberty to write in pretentious, superfluous sentences to satisfy my ego. This was the only class I looked forward to each week.

My first assignment was to write about the life of any object. I chose my favourite stuffed toy – a Winnie the Pooh puppet whom I have affectionately nicknamed Wenny. (Please tell me I’m not the only person who names her stuffed toys…) I wrote about Wenny’s journey from its time of manufacture to its shipping to Tokyo Disneyland to how I eventually came to buy it. There were several assignments after that but this is the one I can vividly recall. I only tried my hand at prose; poetry has always struck me as a niche area meant solely for people who have had deep life experiences.

Despite my apparent fondness for Literature, I never went on to take it as an O level subject because I was worried it would kill my love for reading, especially with intense text analyses and all. I have this hypothesis that when you start doing things you love in great detail, you start to lose interest in them. This is why I prefer to keep my hobbies separate from my pragmatic pursuits. Unfortunately I never had the opportunity to prove this hypothesis so let’s just leave it at that.

Surprisingly enough, I don’t miss creative writing. What I miss, however, are the wildly imaginative thought processes that the mind is abuzz with each time a fresh storyline manifests itself. Most of the time the creativity fizzes out, but for the rare times it lingers, those are the moments worth holding on to.

 

0210

Somehow I always find myself on WordPress in the dead of the night where I really ought to be sleeping (or doing work).

My FYP group recently had an internal feedback session, where each of us did a quick self-reflection and exchanged observations on our working styles. All three of them unanimously agreed that I have a tendency to be blunt/straightforward whenever a deadline draws near since my anxiety levels would increase. It’s true; I remember just a few weeks ago I was worried that our project wasn’t progressing and on the day we had our weekly meeting, I plastered this poker face on and my tone was a combination of exasperation and urgency. The frowns on their faces told me I probably went a little overboard that day…… In my defence, though, it made them anxious and it pushed them to achieve a little more. Still, it’s not what I enjoy doing – being stern and managing people. Probably means I’ll never be a CEO.

I also shared with them what I felt was my key personal weakness but on hindsight, having rationally thought through what I said, it doesn’t seem like a weakness anymore. More on this another time, perhaps.

In other unrelated news, I have officially sold my soul to caffeine (I drink either coffee or tea six days a week now) and this is despite receiving an average of seven hours of sleep each night. It also appears that my tolerance towards coffee is weakening, with slight headaches developing each time I gulp down a non-sugared coffee. This is partly the reason why my tehbing and I seem to be inseparable in school. I LOVE TEHBING!!!!!

Ok goodnight.