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(A mental monologue ensues.)

You know, I do enjoy sharing some (filtered) bits and pieces of my (boring) life and the occasional (incoherent) pseudo-introspective thought but there have been many instances where I write a complete entry and then pause to ponder what and who exactly I’m writing for. Am I writing to record my daily activities? No; if that were the case I would have written about how my Director casually remarked that her daughter would grow up to resemble me (no shit, she really said that… but her daughter is sooo cute I want to squish her hehe). Then on another day I would be recounting how my colleague and I stupidly forgot to press our floor number in the lift because we were too engrossed in our conversation.

Am I, then, writing to subtly impress on my readers a larger-than-life version of myself, especially with those pseudo-thought-provoking remarks I indulge in from time to time? In such cases, I would start mulling over the underlying messages I am trying to convey. If something has the potential to be misconstrued, I edit it. If it completely changes my original intent, however, then I would remove it. When there are too many items to remove, into the trash it goes. Most of the time, though, I leave it in my drafts folder.

As for who I’m writing for, well, suffice to say, I have always written with an audience in mind. From the moment I created PP to document my exchange travels to connecting it to Facebook and finally to reactivating it again after I came back from Laos – I will not deny that these actions cater to the more attention-seeking, narcissistic side of myself.

(At this point I must clarify I have already lost the original intent of this post………….)

I don’t know what I’m doing on WordPress (and for the life of myself, Instagram too) anymore.

Ha, or maybe I just need a mind-blowing perspective/conversation on this.

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Did a number of activities this weekend that were reminiscent of my secondary school days. Sucked at them then and still suck at them. Ah well, sometimes just gotta chill and not take things so seriously.

But the main highlight of the weekend was……..

…

…

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Visiting a LAN shop for the first time HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Was honestly hesitant about joining the rest that I volunteered to be an observer but obviously they weren’t having any of that so errrr thanks for the peer pressure guys 😂

It was fun, though! Had WB and Michelle patiently guide me through L4D2 and CS and it was quite a good first experience. Never thought I would say this but…

I don’t mind going back again 🌚🌚 HAHA shiiiittt 走火入魔了

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It’s been a lull week at work. Not in the sense that I didn’t have stuff to do (in fact, I have a backlog of clippings and valuation reports that I have been procrastinating for the longest time), but some of the project accounts that I have been busy with since the start of PI have mostly concluded. Then there’s a retainer client whose account I’m particularly vested in – things will pick up speed again later this month. I’m oddly looking forward to it.

My monday blues are definitely not as severe as they were back in Feb/Mar, but every Sunday evening is still filled with a reasonable amount of dread and worry for the upcoming week.

Which I think is normal. But somewhere along the way I figured that there is a lesson to be learnt in every choice I make no matter what the outcome is. I may be an overthinker and a worrywart, but if anything, I like to get things done and that’s when my ‘Fuck It’ attitude comes in. Think first, do now, worry later.

Or maybe I have become more self-assured after my mini rant in March. It’s a result of a combination of several factors, really. Whatever the case is, I am not as high-strung as I was two months ago. 

On a separate note, an incident early in the week made me realise how I would go all lengths to avoid awkward small talk, especially when I can foresee the conversation revolving around work… And I dislike making small talk about work after work. 

I iz liddat lor. 

Lastly, I finally caught Captain America yesterday!!!!! Then I went to torrent Avengers: Age of Ultron today because I never got around to doing so for one entire year (yeah #lazywq strikes again). Surely I’m not the only one who likes to see them all suited up and be kickass???!

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For the most part, I am actually a lazy person. While thankfully this laziness does not occur at work, it has unfortunately manifested itself in the perceived lack of concern in some of my relationships.

Which got me contemplating the kind of friend I am.

I don’t think I am a bad friend but I honestly haven’t been the best either.

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Meet my youngest cousin, Matthew 🙂 

Poor kiddo here didn’t go on a trip with the rest of his family (parents + Gabriel korkor) because he’s too young but it’s okay since he got to spend time with me!!! HAHAHA #selfimportant #buaypaiseh #obsessedjiejie

Matthew and Gabriel (3-yo) have been such blessings to the maternal side of my family; they bring me immeasurable joy each time I interact with them. When they visited my place during CNY, Gabriel brought along his collection of toy cars and could even tell me – in proper English, no less – where each car was turning (e.g. “This taxi is going right!”) while Matthew munched silently on his strawberries. My aunt and uncle have done a good job raising them 🙂

That aside, I don’t really want them to grow up because they are so pure and innocent but obviously life doesn’t work like that. 

Dear Gabriel and Matthew, may the both of you grow up to be kind, compassionate and intelligent individuals. The world may be tough, but you two will be tougher. 

Can’t wait to play with the two of them again 🙂